from your friendly neighborhood nurse

from your friendly neighborhood nurse
a post that, again, has nothing to do with nursing

but it has a lot to do with the fact that I’ve just gone through a second Senior Seminar course in my lifetime, which is still 2 too many

Senior Seminar course is supposed to help you prepare for entry into the field you’re getting your degree in (resume, portfolio, CV and so on) and I won’t say it’s completely useless but this is a course you have to take with a grain of salt, especially if you’re getting a pretty useless degree.

Know what your prospects are before you take the course, because your university probably won’t tell you. For example, if you’re getting a BA in Psychology, know that in 2014 Forbes had named in one of the Top 5 most useless BA degrees in the country
If you’re getting a useless BA, don’t let the course steer you in a useless direction. For example employment with BA in Communications is predicted to decrease 14% by 2022. If you still want that BA, that’s fine but avoid wasting time on building a CV in that field
The instructors will pressure you to build your resume with focus on your education - resist that. If you have 10 years of customer service experience and stable employment, being able to put a BA in a useless degree next to your name is just a bonus. A useless degree won’t get you the job - your experience will
If you’re getting a BA in a field in which you’ve never worked, or only worked occasionally, don’t get sucked into building a CV at all. CV’s are for people who have experience in a field - it’s supposed to be around three pages long. Idk about you, but I have 2 useless and one useful degree and I still couldn’t make a CV without it looking pretty pathetic
The Senior Seminar course will give you unrealistic expectations - that’s their purpose, to build up a degree you’re paying for. They can hardly start the course saying “Well, you’ll never make money in this field unless you spend 4 more years in school.” Never forget that the main purpose of any college in U.S. is to make money off you, the student
Know what you want. If your entire purpose in getting a degree is the ability to get a desk job instead of busting your ass in a grocery store or a fast food restaurant, say so - don’t get muddled doing research and wasting time on actual Communications, if you know your boss won’t give a shit what your BA is in, as long as you get one
That’s the thing that actually matters. You get to put a BA or a BS after your name. If you’re looking to work as a Counselor for the VA or a school, know you need a Masters in order to make a living - don’t get sidetracked with nonesense
We all know decent employment is hard to come by. They can spout unemployment numbers at us till we’re all blue in the face, but the fact is, the unemployment rate for people with BA degrees or higher is still 3.8% - never mind people who are employed but not using their degree at all. My friend from HS went to Emerson college to be an English teacher. He spent 120k on college, and now he works at Subway. Sure, he’s employed but what the actual fuck
Finally, take jobs you don’t want - spend a year sitting behind an office desk doing payroll, or assisting the HR manager (even if you’re basically spending the day getting coffee and listening to her bitch about her ex) or working the front desk, answering phones, etc. Apply for that assistant manager position in a store you would never be caught dead in. Build your resume with jobs you know suck the life out of everyone with a shred of humanity because they will look good on a resume. Because when you have your degree, that BA + your past employment will put you ahead of a lot of people
Basically realize that most classes that are trying to prepare you for entering the workforce are only 25% useful, and then get every ounce of that 25% if you have to wring it out by force
And realize that we’re living an epic shit show in U.S. but that we’re still living it, and that you’ll need to survive it somehow


from your friendly neighborhood nurse
I see this in fic A LOT - the hero of the story gets a massive cut or has a gunshot wound, so they heat their handy trusty rambo knife and cauterize the wound

for fuck’s sake never do this in real life

unless you’re out in the middle of fucking nowhere and have absolutely no other way to stop bleeding (which is hard to believe since putting some pressure on it should do the trick 99% of the time) never, ever cauterize, bc what you’re doing is burning the fuck out of the surrounding tissue and pretty much guaranteeing yourself a massive infection

so if you have absolutely no other way of stopping the bleeding and only if you’re 100% sure that you’re gonna have access to some heavy duty antibiotics within 48 hours, only then should you even consider cauterizing (and I still don’t recommend it)

also I know it’s badass for your hero to have a half a bottle of something alcoholic while he’s getting stitched up or being subjected to any kind of wound care, but pls don’t do that either

we all know alcohol thins the blood, but blood alcohol levels can actually slow down the clotting, the healing, and place you at greater risk for infection


from your friendly neighborhood nurse
yes, being dehydrated will give you nasty foot/leg cramps BUT you can also get cramps from lack of magnesium in your diet. In fact, 78% of leg cramp sufferers have a severe magnesium deficiency. Magnesium rich foods are dark leafy greens, nuts, seeds, fish, beans, whole grains, avocados, yogurt, bananas, dried fruit, and dark chocolate. BUT do keep in mind that too much magnesium can give you diarrhea
it’s important to stay hydrated, but believe it or not, there’s such a thing as drinking too much water. Too much water means excess urination, means you’re flushing potassium out of your body. Serious potassium deficiency can cause heart problems and if severe enough, can actually kill you.
you need magnesium in order for potassium to be able to enter your cells where potassium storage takes place; low magnesium levels mean low potassium levels
so yeah, stay hydrated and eat your dark greens but, you know, everything in moderation


from your friendly neighborhood nurse: ok, this has nothing do with nursing
but if you drive a Honda made between 1994-2000 then you might have encountered the dreaded ABS light

ABS basically exists to keep your car from skidding dangerously during braking. It is an automated safety system that recognizes when your wheels stop rotating (while your car is still in motion) and releases brake fluid pressure, allowing the wheels to continue to rotate.

anyway, this is all great because when the light is on, it lets you know that there’s something wrong with the system; you could need new brake pads, or your brake fluid might be low, you might even have a leak

but if you yourself do the repairs (or like me, you pay some guy who actually repairs boats but doesn’t mind replacing discs on a Honda once in a while), in other words, if you don’t take it to a certified Honda mechanic, the ABS light will remain on even though the problem has been fixed

so here’s a simple way to reset that fucker, so the light goes off (and you can pass inspection, duh)

the first thing you need to do is find your ECU, which is located behind the passenger seat side panel; (underneath and to the right of your glove box) pop the panel off and you’ll see it (it basically looks like a big silver box)
on the top of this thing you should find a brown and black connector, just chilling there, doing nothing (it’s probably covered with a green cap)
take a short piece of wire and bridge it (and by bridging it, I mean connect the brown and black with the same wire, so it forms a bridge between the two)
get in the drivers seat
step on a brake and turn the ignition on but don’t actually start the car - in about 2 seconds the ABS light should shut off
when it shuts off, release the pedal, and it will come back on in about 4 seconds
when it turns back on, step on the brake again, it will shut off and you release the pedal
ok so to sum up, step on brake, turn ignition, light off - release pedal, light back on - step on pedal, light off - release the pedal
at this point the ABS light will flash a few times, basically telling you that’s it’s being reset
and it will turn off and hopefully you’ll never have an issue this fucking annoying with your car again


from your friendly neighborhood nurse: anxiety edition
We can’t all be on benzos. Sure, you got severe anxiety, panic attacks and all that shit, the easiest thing to do is pop a .5mg of Ativan, but benzos are fucking addictive and they’re not really solving the problem. Here’s some tricks that might work instead.

Self-awareness. Know what makes you anxious. Think about it. Write it down. Why does it make you anxious? You need to know what makes you tick. Don’t be afraid to write down shit that’s illogical or shit that sounds stupid. It is what it is, ok? No one’s shit smells like roses.
Prepare. When you know you’re going to be in a situation that’s gonna cause you anxiety, do not go in blank. I’m not saying over-analyze that shit until you work yourself up. But think about what’s the worst thing that can happen? How bad is that worst thing really? Sometimes something like flunking an exam can seem like the end of the world. But it’s not, even if it’s really important, it’s still not worth your fucking health. If you know logically that it’s not world-ending, tell yourself that. Out loud. Write it down. Make it your gospel. 
Know your outs. Whatever the situation is, you’re not gonna be in it forever. All anxiety inducing situations have an end date. It might be a class, or a workday, or an appointment. If it’s 8 hours long, remind yourself you get breaks. Remind yourself that if it’s really bad, you can take an extra break. Your mental health is not an inconvenience or something to be ashamed of. If people are upset that you need extra 5 minutes in the bathroom to breathe, they can kindly fuck off. You need to take care of yourself first.
Give yourself a damn pep talk. Do not, I repeat, do not talk to yourself like you’re worthless. Do not call yourself names. Look in the fucking mirror and tell yourself you are strong, you are smart, you are a survivor. I spent three years muttering “You’re gonna be fine, everything’s gonna be fine” under my breath. It took a while but now I know I’m gonna be fine without muttering.
Breathe. Sure, that sounds stupid cause you’re already breathing. But now you gotta concentrate. In through your nose, out through the mouth, slow count of 10 on each (use the 1-mississippi, 2-mississippi, etc.) Concentrate on your breathing and don’t allow outside intrusions. You’re having a damn issue right now, the world can fuck off for a few minutes while you’re breathing.
Tense and relax you muscles. The idea is to relax them, but it’s easier if you tense them first. Start with your arms and legs and work your way through your body. Now you’re breathing and relaxing your muscles. This type of multitasking doesn’t leave much room for anything else and that’s good.
If you’re gonna be stuck somewhere for a while, like 8 fucking hours in school or at a new job, find a safe space. It can be a bathroom stall or the corner underneath the stairs or wherever you feel safe and people won’t barge in on you. Take a break. Breathe. Relax your muscles. Tell yourself you’re doing fine.
For full blown panic attacks.
Sometimes panic attacks feel like you’re dying. I know it’s hard, but you gotta be self-aware. People don’t die from panic attacks. You’re not having a heart attack. People don’t suffocate from panic attacks. You are getting sufficient air, you just feel like you aren’t because you’re breathing too fast. Tell yourself that. Out loud. “I’m not having a heart attack. I’m having a panic attack. People don’t die from panic attacks. I am breathing. I know I am breathing. If I wasn’t breathing, I wouldn’t be able to speak.” Verbally ground yourself.
Physically ground yourself. You know how it feels like you’re just gonna faint or float away? Grab something, preferably cold. Latch on to a door handle or a wall or a pipe, whatever the fuck is around. If you can, splash some cold water on your face and hold on to that sink.
Focus on the physical. Unfortunately, this can be misused. I know that causing physical pain can make the panic attack recede; this is not what you wanna do, ok? There are less harmful ways to do this, like holding an ice cube in your hand or shoving something spicy in your mouth. You get a physical jolt to the system without hurting yourself, and the whole idea, after all, is to not hurt yourself.

from your friendly neighborhood nurse
Please remember that you can develop allergies to stuff at any point during your life, ok? Just because you weren’t allergic to ink 3 years ago when you last got tattooed, it doesn’t mean that you won’t have a reaction next time. If you already have an allergic reaction to bananas, avocados, kiwis or chestnuts, you may develop a latex allergy at any point in your life. Just avoid it all together.
If you find a tick somewhere on you that looks like it’s been there for a while, go to a damn clinic right away. If you’ve removed it yourself, save the thing between two pieces of scotch tape and bring it with you. If it got damaged so the doctor/nurse/PA can’t tell what kind it is, demand doxycycline. If the tick wasn’t carrying borrelia burgdorferi bacterium, the antibiotic won’t hurt you. If it was, you’ve got 72 hours to get that shit in you so you don’t develop Lyme disease.
If you get poison ivy, Tecnu is the way to go. But, if you’re way past some bumps and into the full blown rashy puss mess and it feels like your damn skin is on fire and you’ll die if you don’t scratch, Tecnu won’t do shit. Benadryl clear gel will actually stop the itching, just remember to peel the old layer off before you apply more. (Also, if it’s puss kind of bad, go to a clinic and getting some stereoids.)
If you get really bad leg cramps, leg twitches or muscle spasms, you’re either not hydrated enough or you’re lacking potassium, or both. Drink some water and eat a banana. If you can’t eat bananas then sweet potatoes or beans (milk has a shitton too). If next to muscle spasms you also have eye twitches, your magnesium is low. That shit’s as important as potassium so eat some damn kale (or dark chocolate.)